Strange

I think i'm going to start Blogging again.

2008-06-26T07:24:00.001-04:00

Its been fucking forever, i know. More to follow later today!

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So

2008-04-20T07:37:00.000-04:00

... I want to start Blogging again.

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I can't fucking sleep

2007-11-06T04:24:00.000-05:00

This is bullshit. It's my first night off and I cant fucking fall asleep. Seriously, this is horseshit. I need to quit working nights

It's late at night,,,

2007-11-06T03:00:00.001-05:00

and I'm blogging on my new laptop! That's right - I bought a new laptop! It's pretty nice! It was on sale and in my price range! YAY!

Tomorrow (or technically later today) my new interest, A, is coming over to spend some quality cuddling time. More details to come.

It's 3:30 AM...

2007-10-19T03:29:00.000-04:00

...and I am really fucking tired.

WTF? Part III

2007-10-15T06:06:00.000-04:00

I am so ready to get off work, go the post office, head home, and finally crawl in bed. I think I might wake up at 11 AM to catch Drew Carey hosting The Price Is Right. I don't expect it to be very good.

WTF? Part II

2007-10-15T04:49:00.001-04:00

It's not that I've been feeling lonely as of late, it's just that I don't really like being alone. Then again, who does? Actually, there are a few people I'm interested in, but (with the exception of one) I doubt the feeling is mutual. Who knows?

What the Fuck?

2007-10-15T04:39:00.000-04:00

I came into work tonight and immediatly tried accessing Facebook only to find it had been blocked in the eight hours since I had last been at work! Not only was it blocked, but a whole host of other websites that I regularly visit were also blocked (IMDB and Scott Adam's Dilbert Blog being notable examples)! My only question is: what the fuck?! Seriously, It's gay. In other news, I recently spent time with an old girlfriend. We had a nice time with each other (more on that to come soon). Also, I've been missing J (my last gf) tonight, or is it that I just simply miss having someone around? I think it's the latter of the two. It would be nice to meet someone and see what happens.

It's about time...

2007-10-10T12:41:00.000-04:00

...that we had some fall-like weather. It's sixty degrees and very breezy. In other words, perfect fair weather! I'll be posting Fairfied County Fair pictures later tonight.

Fucking A

2007-10-10T00:18:00.001-04:00

I'm not at all tired and yet I must get some sleep before my long day tomorrow. My sleep schedule is so fucked up right now.

Fun with pictures.

2007-10-04T04:39:00.001-04:00

Introspection

2007-10-03T02:44:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling rather introspective tonight. I have a few things on my mind, namely the friend I mentioned in the earlier post. I know she cares a great deal for me... I care about her as well, but it is proving difficult to determine exactly how *I* feel about her. Ok, it's list time!

How I feel about my friend:

I love being around/spending time with her.
I love talking to her on the phone.
I trust her 100%.
I can be myself around her.
I can talk to her about anything and everything.
She's always been there for me, no matter what.
She doesn't judge me: she likes and accepts me for who I am.
We know each other very well.
We are totally relaxed around each other.
(Even though I didn't know this until a couple days ago) We share similar faith values.
She's always willing to make time to see me, even if it's only for a short period of time.
Honestly, I really think I could see myself settling down with her.

And now, some general observations:

We're both somewhat insecure when it comes to relationships, but neither of us are the cheating type.
We have enough similarities to have plenty of common ground, but enough differences to keep things very interesting.
She apparently likes me and is willing to wait for me.

Honestly, if that's not what I'm looking for in someone, then I don't know what the hell I'm looking for. Unfortunately, I have two conflicting impulses in my mind: the first is to just go for it with my friend and the second is to hold off on anything and see what else is out there (in other words, play the field and be an impulsive, immature guy).

This might sound funny, but I feel so alive whenever I'm with her... totally and completely relaxed. I suppose, then, the last internal question I have is would I be with her because she's someone or because it's her... I certainly think it's the latter.

I must admit, a romantic relationship with her (at least now, anyways) would be stable, relaxed, without pressure of any kind, fun, and over all very awesome.

I just need to convince her that I've changed and that she can depend on me.

A new week begins.

2007-10-02T19:55:00.000-04:00

It's a new week. It'll be an interesting one. My grandmother will be gone for seven days (she's on vacation with her friends) and I have the entire house to myself! I'm learning the difference between being lonely (which I really haven't been as of late) and being alone (aka solitude).

Ok, I lied. I have been feeling a bit lonely, especially in the middle of the night. It's still a bit rough not having someone special to call at all hours of the night.

Also, I'm in a bit of an interesting situation: Lately, I've been spending a great deal of time with one of my very good (female) friends. We've both been having a great time with each other and have genuinely enjoyed each other's company. She is someone I can trust 100%, she likes me for who I am, and I am always completely relaxed around her. I recently found out that she is, in fact, a Christian.
Here comes the interesting part: her and I have dated in the past and things haven't worked out dating-wise (mostly due to my own immaturity). She's one of my best friends and I admire her very much. I have absolutely loved spending time with her and she has been a source of support.
I get the feeling that her and I would have a very laid-back relationship full of potential. Alas, if it weren't for my inner struggle I would go for it. Then again, maybe I should just let things simply be and see what happens. I'm not worried about my list (see earlier post), seeing as she more than lives up to it.
All I know is that I like her... a lot.

Current Mood: Something along the lines of "Can I dare to even hope?" and Thoughtful
Currently Listening To: Genesis - "No Reply At All"

My new fucking work boots.

2007-09-27T06:05:00.001-04:00

Oh yeah, here are the new boots. They're rust colored :-)

Poptarts and Coffee

2007-09-27T05:17:00.000-04:00

Yes that's right. This is my breakfast. It's actually pretty tasty.

All in all, I'm doing ok today. I'm still a bit shaken up from last night's dream, but the uneasiness is passing. I'm guessing the feeling will last into the weekend seeing as I have no plans. Well, I kind of take that back. I do have plans for Sunday: it's my great-grandfather's birthday and (I'm assuming) the entire family is coming to my house to celebrate.

Shit! This means I really do have to clean my room just in case anybody wants to go downstairs (which will probably be one of my cousins and I). Oh don't worry, I'll blog about it.

Current Moods: A tiny tiny bit heartbroken and hopeful all at once.

Currently Watching: The Boondock Saints

Still bored.

2007-09-26T04:25:00.000-04:00

I really should have brought my Nintendo DS to work tonight. I won't make that mistake tomorrow!

I'm so bored...

2007-09-26T03:39:00.000-04:00

...that I've resorted to taking random pictures of myself! That's right, I'm resuming my usual eccentricities.

Work isn't too dead tonight, but I'm having a bit of difficulty with keeping my mind occupied. Writing this blog is helping, though. I'm glad my shift is almost halfway through.

My fucking work boots...

2007-09-26T00:43:00.000-04:00

...aren't even 6 months old and the heels have already become unglued and are starting to separate from the rest of the boot! Son of a bitch! It's a good thing that I've put in some extra hours at work! I just hope that nobody here at work notices...

In other news, not much is happening. Lately (as stated in previous posts) I've been doing ok about the recent breakup, but today I took a step backwards. Last night I had a dream about her (the person I broke up with), and in it we we're most definitely together and she was most definitely in love with me (as evidenced by the fact she was holding and kissing me and telling me she loved me). Needless to say, this dream hurt... a lot.
Now, I believe in dreams having meaning (and even possible glimpses into the future) and I'm trying to objectively discern this dream's purpose. Is it a glimpse of something that may happen in the future or is it my mind finally catching up with my heart? I certainly know I desire to be with someone who is loving and won't be afraid to show it (see this post for a list of what I want in someone).
And yet, my heart (and possibly my mind, as well) hasn't completely given up hope on her. I know with more time this feeling will go away, but the breakup is still (evidently) fresh in my mind. I'm desperately trying not to read too much into all of this. Am I crazy?

UPDATE: (3:50 AM) I'm pretty sure that the dream was my subconcious just wishing that things had turned out better for that person and I. Now that I think about it, the person in my dream exhibited qualities that are seen on my list of things that I want in someone.
Sometimes I wonder if what I want is too much to ask for. Then again, I have learned the valuable lesson that one should never compromise one's standards.

The healing process.

2007-09-24T20:07:00.000-04:00

Well, it's officially been a week since I broke up with she who shall not be named. I'm doing a lot better than I expected I would. Hell, I'm up to 99% on feeling that I made the right decision in the situation. Unfortunetly, one can never (with a few certain exceptions) be sure that one has made the right decisions in life. Still though, I'll take 99%.

I must admit, keeping myself busy has helped tremendously; be it messing around in my studio (which is really my room, lol) or spending time with friends (J.R., M.G., and R.R. being the notable examples). I've even been in the songwriting mood lately. Hopefully this mood will last for awhile and I will be able to write some great material. I still hope to make it into R.R.'s recording studio soon.

In other news, I almost have enough money saved to be able to purchase a car! I'm excited and very relieved that I've been sticking to my budget. Also, I went to dinner with J.R. (an old friend) last night. We went to The Spaghetti Warehouse and sat in the Cable Car (awesome!)! We both had the traditional Spaghetti with Meatsauce. Needless to say, it was very tasty (as was the glass of Chardonnay I had (first time for that type of wine!)).

That wraps it up for tonight, unless I get bored again (which will probably happen).

Current Mood: Hopefull
Currently Watching: Liscense To Kill

House-cleaning and break-ups.

2007-09-20T02:47:00.000-04:00

Due to my recent break-up, I have removed the posts about the Ohio State Fair. Simply put, it's a bit painful to have a reminder of a relationship gone wrong (or was wrong from the beginning, as I suspect).

So yeah, (even though it only lasted about 3 months) it's weird being single and not having someone special there for me to call at all hours of the night. Fortunetly, my core group of friends have really been helping out (shoutouts to A.H., J.R., R.R., M.G.) although I can't quite call them at 2:56 in the morning.

I guess the biggest reason I broke up with her is because she wasn't treating me right. She kept flip-flopping on what exactly she felt about me. Also, whenever the relationship required fixing (on account of her random flip-flopping), I was the one to do the fixing and change something in regards to who I am (an example: it got to the point to where I couldn't even tell her how much I cared for/loved her). It got to the point to where I was miserable (caused by the fact of all the changes I made and the fact I honestly couldn't trust what she said). I would always second-guess whatever she said to me.

So, I'm about 95% certain that I made the right decision. Yes, I'm hurting now but it hurt more while I was still with her. At least I've learned more about relationships and I am able to further establish what I look for in a person. The list goes something like this (it's not in any particular order) :

She would be open and honest from the very beginning.

She would be loving and very caring.

She would not be afraid of expressing her feelings for me and would not be afraid of me expressing my feelings for her.

She would not be afraid of being affectionate (hugging, kissing, holding hands, ect.).

She would be God-fearing and have a relationship with the Lord.

She would equally give and take in the relationship and understand the value of mutual compromise.

She would (at least eventually) be open to the idea of praying together as a couple and asking God for guidance and strength.

She would want God to be the center of the relationship.

She would love staying in and watching a movie as much as, if not more than going out on a date.

She would always be willing to make time for me.

She wouldn't mind me calling her (or sending a text message) in the early morning just to say hi and that I was thinking about her.

She would understand how important communication is and would always (within reason, certain things such as jobs/school would be an understandable exception) be willing to talk.

She wouldn't mind spending time with my family (and I would do the same for her).

She wouldn't mind just hanging out and listening to music.

She would understand the value of doing little things for each other.

She would have a good sense of humor and would always appreciate a good joke (even if it would happen to be off-color).

She would be someone I could completely trust.

She wouldn't constantly change her mind as to how she felt about me. She would be able to make up her mind and stick with it.

She would know that she could talk to me about anything and I would know the same about her.
She would like/love me for who I am and not expect me to make major changes in my personality for her.

I know that's a lot of things, but that's honestly what my ideal girlfriend would be. I'm guessing it will take a while to find someone even remotely like that on account of the fact that so many people my age aren't that mature or grown-up. Still though, I know there are girls/women out there who could more than live up to my list. I just hope I find one.

In the meantime, I'll mend my broken heart and begin the process of moving on. Oh, and pray about things as well.

And now for something completely different...

2007-08-05T16:48:00.000-04:00

I saw this on the way home from work. The guy was walking his dog, talking on a cell phone, and rolling a giant inflatable earth down the street. I think this is one of the most random things I have ever seen.

Elf farm raffle!

2007-08-05T09:22:00.000-04:00

Yes yes, I know... another illustrated palindrome. What can I say? I'm bored and have 7 more hours left to go in my shift at work! Also, I have waaaay too much time on my hands (to paraphrase STYX).

Not much is going on today: just sitting at work and groovin' to some excellent music (ZZ Top at the moment). I'm probably putting together a WoW LAN party with my buddy M.G. (on account of needing to rapidly lvl my warlock) later this evening.

I watched the first Bourne movie (The Bourne Identity) with my girlfriend last night. It was one of the best action movies I have ever seen. I can't wait to watch the second one and then go see the third in theaters.

That about does it, although I'm sure I'll post again today (as boredom dictates).

Current Mood: Bored yet excited.

Currently Listening To: Woke Up With Wood - ZZ Top

Evil Olive

2007-08-04T13:36:00.000-04:00

Palindromes are fun!

Working on my day off!

2007-08-03T10:14:00.000-04:00

Its Friday and I'm stuck at work! Although what I should say is that I was given the oppertunity (more like manditory volunteering) to work an extra shift. I love dealing with pushy customers and truckers... not!!!

All is well though because I can at least listen to great music all day long! Chicago, Techtronic Sound, and Poison have all been in the rotation so far. I will take the chance, however, to listen to artists that I haven't listened to in a long time (e.g. Elton John [I just ordered a dvd copy of a documentary of his 1979 trip to the USSR], Queen, and maybe some Santana thrown in for good measure).

I'm also trying to re-read the entire Chronicles of Narnia (C.S. Lewis being one of my favorite authors) which is proving to be a bit fruitless at the moment seeing as anytime I really get into the book I become busy with customers...

I also get to see Jodi tonight, for which I am very glad.

Currently listening to: Fancy Colours by Chicago (from the album Chicago II)

Current Mood(s): Anxious and Indifferent at the same time.

It's 3:16 AM...

2007-06-27T03:10:00.000-04:00

... and I'm bored, not to mention sleepy. Even though I've been working these crazy hours for almost 6 months (thus making it the longest job I've ever held), working overnight isn't easy.

Right now, I'm debating about purcasing the movies 2001: A Space Odyssey and 2010: The Year We Make Contact. I was thinking about just downloading the movies to my computer (so I could put them onto my Microsoft Zune), but Unbox doesnt support the Zune. Dammit Microsoft, release a patch so the Zune will be compatable with Plays For Sure!!!!!

Anyhow, I somehow need to find (and download) movies that are compatible with my Zune. Any Ideas?

It's morning!

2007-06-21T06:06:00.000-04:00

I thought this view was a bit on the inspiring side. The pic was taken from where I work. I'm quite fortunate to see this at least twice a week.

Work

2007-06-21T02:23:00.001-04:00

Wow

China

2007-06-20T02:33:00.000-04:00

This is one of the reasons why I'm glad I don't live in China.
Talk about government gone wrong. And this is the country (with only 100 surnames, to boot) that is hosting the 2008 Summer Olympics. Seriously, why was one of the world's worst human rights violators given the incredible honor and distinction of hosting the Olympic Games?

Bah, I'm done bitching, having made my point (or so I think).

Banana Twinkies and WoW. Or: The existential quandry that is my sorry, sorry life.

2007-06-15T13:38:00.000-04:00

The story.

Thats right, Hostess is reverting back to a banana flavored twinkie.

This should be interesting... I mean, I like Twinkies (who doesn't?), but I don't know if bananas and Twinkies would mesh together too well.
Wait a minute... why do I even care?

As for WoW, I'm now an official paying customer. After the 14 day trial and free 30 days after upgrading to a full account, I can admit that I'm hooked. Right now I have a lvl 19 Human Warlock (about to reach lvl 20). I've messed around with a few of the other races and classes, and I'm thinking about starting a Night Elf Hunter. Is that a good idea, or should I upgrade to The Burning Crusades and start a dareni (sp?) character? I might just upgrade for the strict hell of it.

UPDATE: I just purchased (from the vending machine here at work) a pack of two Twinkies and am chowing down on their vanilla-y, spungy goodness. I suppose that the banana flavoring would do it justice, but then again, I don't really give a shit.